利用者:Muttley/発射台

出典: へっぽこ実験ウィキ『八百科事典（アンサイクロペディア）』
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「誰？」
~ ウサーマ・ビン＝ラーディン について、ジョージ・ウォーカー・ブッシュ
「彼は高性能な破壊兵器ではないかもしれない、でも、私は彼と地響きを立てて進み続ける！」
~ "ウサーマ・ビン＝ラーディン" について、オスカー・ワイルド
「ジョークみたいなヤツだぜ!」
~ 9/11の米国へのテロ攻撃の支持、アルカイダの編成とイエメンのゴールド・ミホールホテルの爆破 について、ウサーマ・おじさんの・ビン＝ラーディン
「うわあ、ビンがたくさんだ!!!」
~ ウサーマ・ビン＝ラーディン について、ビン蒐集家
アメリカの自由を破壊するための新しい行動をほのめかしているバグダッドの野獣
アメリカの自由を破壊するための新しい行動をほのめかしているバグダッドの野獣
ユーモア欠落症患者のために、ウィキペディアの専門家気取りたちが「利用者:Muttley/発射台」の項目を執筆しています。

ウサーマ・アルコンポスト ダークマラキ フセイン モハメッド アブドゥール アル・グッバ ワコヴィア フレム アブドゥーラ ミッカカカハタ シルク ディルハム フェルナンデス ボーク アリ ザルカウィ ムルカ あるいは أسامة بن لادن アカ "ウサーマ ガルベジ-ビン＝レードル" はホラアナホリスナザルにして現在はアフガニスタンの国王である。彼は「ダルカドゥルカスタン」（ベータ-アラブ族の一種）で、宮殿のような蛸壺にすんでいる。 (しかし彼がフォルダ/bin/ladenに住んでいるという説もある。) 2001年9月11日、彼は世界貿易センターを破壊することによって、対抗するライバルへの攻撃を開始した。 ギリシア議会がイラクの自由作戦（O.I.L.）と称してバグダッド（アフガニスタン）に入っている間に宗教団体から追放され、彼はアラブ宗教の不快なシンボルである。彼は有名なキリスト教徒の生れ変りでもあり、時折ジェームスメーソンのそっくりさんとしてステージも行っている。

小さな子供と同じようにかくれんぼの技術の向上をはかり、近年ビンラディンは、もうそろそろかくれんぼに勝っているであろうと主張し、今度隠れる番はジョージ・ブッシュであるとホワイト･ハウスに嘆願した。

目次

[編集] 略歴

オサマ・サミー・ビン＝ラーディンは、子供の頃親の満足な養育を受けられず、中東の東の地方で、オオカミによって育てあげられたと伝えられている。 彼は優しいアメリカ人旅行客によって発見された。そして、その人は彼を人間の社会に復帰させようと考えた。 悲しいことに、この優しい男は、ヒンズークシ山脈の麓の丘で喰われ、後に部分的に発見された。 この最初のアメリカ人の血の味は、糖分とカフェインと飽和脂肪でいっぱいで、かわいそうな小さなサミービンラディンの習慣に変化した。そして5歳で彼は『アメリカ血中毒（ABA）』と診断された。これは絶望的な状態で、唯一の治療法は、刺されて内臓を取り出され、それからうなっている暴徒によってさびたスパイクの上で突き刺されることである。

[編集] 早期

後に彼は山の家から出てきて、彼のオオカミの母に別れを告げた後に、オサマ・サミー・ビンラディンは、テロ学と大量殺人学を学ぶために、異教徒殺人大学（タジキスタン近郊）に学び、最初に爆破学とバンの運転とアメリカの建築学について学んだ。 大学在学中のウサマの趣味は、しばしばネロ皇帝の仮装をして、日常的な暴力の代償として彼の友人に贈り物を授けることであった。 ウサマは動物の皮を着て、おりから解き放される。そこで、彼は拘束された奴隷の性器を攻撃するのである。 観衆は、彼らの精霊的な新しい王子の気まぐれな行動を見るために集まり、生贄として彼に新生児を提供した。

彼が年をとって魅力的ではなくなり、彼の最初の刑事告発につながっている女性の交わりはなかった。その代わりに彼は14匹のヤギ、5匹のラクダ、2匹の砂猿と置き忘れられたウミガメを殺して、犯した。

ウサマと彼の多くの霊視水晶のひとつ
ウサマと彼の多くの霊視水晶のひとつ

[編集] チベットの7匹のラクダ

彼の21歳の誕生日、ウサマは、第三帝国の考古学調査探検隊を組織して行った探検のためにヒマラヤ山脈へ旅立った際に見た予知夢のお告げにより、自身の周囲に個人崇拝を組織した。そこで、彼は自身が「流体コンデンサ」と呼んだ何かのために、水晶を集めた。 彼はチベットの危険な山中において、ユダヤ人の魂さえ持つことができる特に強力な水晶のいくつかを置く、と主張した。

ビン＝ラディンの話によると、祈りの夜の後、彼は非常に不快な雪男に遭遇、雪男は大きな突風を起こして彼をヨーロッパへ吹き飛ばしたとの事である。

そこで、彼はアドルフ・ヒットラーに会う。ヒトラーは、空から降下してきた来たビン＝ラディンの行動に驚き、彼を賞賛するため、1万人の政治犯を絞首刑に処させた。この行動はドイツ人に衝撃と憤慨を与えた。

ヒトラー自身、自分自身がしでかした行為に驚き、人目もはばからず泣いて「自分は狂暴な男でなかったのに」と叫んだ。

OBLのリスナーは、彼を聖人と認め、彼らは聞いてすぐに彼を予言者の273人目の甥の息子と宣言した。彼らは彼に固いナイロンのターバンを授けて、悪の帝国との交戦をするために、彼の後についてアフガニスタンの山麓の丘に入った。

[編集] 不良化と権力の向上

1970年代、ビン＝ラディンは、彼の最終的な凶悪な計画のためのお金を集めている間にもアフガニスタンでロシア人と戦っていた。最終的な計画とは大きなBigDunkドーナツチェーンを買収してドーナツを小さくすることであった。 最初にこのことが難しいとわかったので、彼はドーナツの中央の部分を盗んで、全てのドーナツの中央に穴を開けてしまった。


後に、ビンラディンはロナルド・レーガン大統領を選出することにアメリカ人を洗脳するために米国の秀才達とのコネクションを確立する。そしてこのことにより、計画通り非常に正確にドーナツは小さくなった。

ニューヨーク上空にひしめくオサマのすごい宇宙兵器
ニューヨーク上空にひしめくオサマのすごい宇宙兵器

ムジャーヒディーンへの反対の後、オサマは80代の中頃にデンバーナゲッツ(NBA)のフォワードとして活躍するために短期間トラボラを後にした。なお戦績はゲーム平均13ポイントと12のリバウンドであった。

彼はそれから、クルド人を毒ガスで死亡させてクウェートを侵略するという野望を成し遂げるべく、イラクに帰国する。これらの行動は彼の元友人に敵意を抱かせることになる。そしてすぐに、米軍はバグダッド入りし、禁を破って神聖な場所を冒涜した。

その報復として、ジョージW.ブッシュが外交問題の仕事のためにでワシントンから離れていたちょうどその時をめがけ、サダムは9/11攻撃を命じた。

[編集] The Fall of a Giant

In the post-9/11d era, when not plotting plots at his evil fortress on Mount Terror, Osama spends most of his time playing golf on the notoriously difficult 18 hole underwater course in the Republic of Lee Kingdom. His dramatic bid to spring childhood friend Saddam Hussein from jail so they could play a few rounds and "shoot the breeze" like they used to ended in Saddam's accidental death by hanging. In despair, bin Laden attempted suicide by turning himself into a human bomb, but he was a dud.

In late November 2004, Al Jazeera broadcast an Al Qaeda tape where Osama bin Laden threatened to blow up shopping malls in Chatanooga and Kalamazoo demanding that said malls pay him a tribute of a gold and jewel encrusted Tickle-Me-Elmo. The federal director of Mall Security Kevin Smith launched Operation: Target to find and destroy bin Laden. Osama was declared killed in March 2005, although his ghost can be found haunting low budget films and voice recordings from Afghanistan. The US State Department explains this by emphasizing that "all those Islams look alike, the guy in the films isn't Osama, we killed him. Hey look over there in Iraq, purple fingers!".

[編集] Personal Life

Osama after some plastic surgery, at his base on Mount Terror, where he leases an office undisturbed.
Osama after some plastic surgery, at his base on Mount Terror, where he leases an office undisturbed.

At home, Osama likes to tend his garden of death, full of man-eating plants. He recently ended a stormy affair with the camel from Camels Cigarettes, who left him after finding out that OBL cheated on him with a male prostitute. Osama's favourite film is '101 Dalmations' as he "likes animals very much".

Osama is involved in a number of commercial enterprises. He recently tried to promote his own line of sleepwear called "Osama's Pajamas." His spokesmodel in Iraq, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, was terminated when his marketing efforts in Iraq killed off more customers than convinced them to buy his products. However, Osama is lining up a distributor for his camoflauged sleepwear in Europe.

He currently endorses a popular fat reducing electric grill for the modern kitchen which he claims is excellent for punishing any of your wifes when they speak in your presence. He also runs a garbage disposal company which goes by the name 'Osamas Bin Liner'. The notorious terrorist still hasn't been found but the secret service believes he is closer than they first thought; in fact there is speculation he picks up the garbage of the Pentagon. He can be found by taking the M4 Motorway toward South Wales and exiting at junction 33 signposted Cardiff West. Just follow the signs for Barry and it's on the left.

In 2004 Osama won the title of slimmer of the year in Luxembourg, and he is writing his autobiography "I Burnt my Wife with an Electric Iron".

It has recently been discovered that he also covers himself in pork and drinks piss on Sunday.

[編集] Popular Culture

Osama's goodnatured antics led to a popular line of children's books
Osama's goodnatured antics led to a popular line of children's books

Osama guest-starred in the 80's hit show, Who's the Boss? as the daughter of Tony Danza. However, homeviewers complained that his woolly beard was "too joke" and he left midway through the second season. He then signed to MTV where he became a major music video artist with partner Matisyahu. Has previously worked at TK MAXX to cover cave insurance. Has been a guest star on every news station in the world

Osama Bin Laden, Entrepreneur of aviation branch
Osama Bin Laden, Entrepreneur of aviation branch

Osama became infamous for his singing chef shows on Italian television. The dancing and acting on the stage was so emotional- emotia- emmat- never mind. It was.

Osama Bin Laden's Duet With Ali-G Failed Miserably
Osama Bin Laden's Duet With Ali-G Failed Miserably

He has made a guest appearance in the action/adventure serial, That's My Dick. In 2006, Osama Bin Laden was sighted on Nick Cannon's Wild N Out show on MTV, in the back of a taxi getting a lift back to his cave. He stated he had cable tv and weed.

[編集] Musical Achievements

Osama's boy band Al Queda has attracted a huge following with their string of videos. However, critics have complained that they can't dance, can't sing, have the worst taste in fashion, and all they do on their videos and tapes is play the skin flute and say stuff. If al Quaeda gets a Grammy, it will be in the spoken word category, which will most certainly result in a fatwa being issued against the Grammy judges.

Bin Laden wrote the theme music to the BBC Chinese sitcom "Aw My Famry." He also wrote the Starship hit "We Built This City" under an assumed name, and is proud of the damage the song has caused to Western civilization.

Osama was directly responsible for John Lennon handing back his Grammy in 1969 (Osama firebombed Lennon's record company, causing his single 'Gold Turkey' to slip off the charts). What is less well known is that he also filled in for W Ank Rose of Buns & Roses fame whenever he fell out with Slosh.

Osama planned to join join Westlife in 2000, but was turned down for a tap-dancing leprachaun, which he later raped in his sock shop.

Osama on the Oprah show
Osama on the Oprah show
As you can see, George Bush and Osama Bin Laden have strong Family resemblance
As you can see, George Bush and Osama Bin Laden have strong Family resemblance

[編集] Oprah

Osama bin Laden has also been in the Oprah show a number of times, mostly competing with Oprah in giving away stuff: free AK47's, plane tickets, and car...bombs. While it is rumoured that Oprah knows the exact whereabouts of Osama, she reacted angrily to questions from Wolf Blitzer, attacking him with a staple gun and setting his mustache on fire. Oprah's horrific action later became the International Set Fire to Your Neighbors Day.

[編集] Distant Relatives

Historian Willem van der Xiang has traced the Bin Laden family name to an eighteenth century English scavenger (of bins) hailing from the plague-infested city of Rottendam. Ancestry.com has discovered that Osama bin Laden is related to Osama Grain Bin; Bins N. Tubbs; Bin Dare Dun Dat; Hitler Jr and Ralph Nader. He is also third cousin to That guy from Hootie and the Blowfish. Osama also is believed to have had an affair with Anna Nicole Smith in the late 80's and was the true father of her dead son.

Osama's grand-cousin George B. Laden II left the family in 1967 to seek his fortune in the oil fields of Texas, but failed dismally, became a drug addict, and is now living on public assistance in Washington.

Osama Bin Laden supported John Kerry for President so the American people would vote for George W. Bush, thus ensuring his safety for another four years. Evil genius!
Osama Bin Laden supported John Kerry for President so the American people would vote for George W. Bush, thus ensuring his safety for another four years. Evil genius!

[編集] Filmography

Google Maps knows where Osama is!
Google Maps knows where Osama is!

Osama has directed and starred in a number of self-produced video releases:

  • 2001: "Sitting Crosslegged In A Cave With Two Men Of Similar Age"
  • 2002: "Sitting Crosslegged In Another Cave Alone, With Small Bag Placed At Knee"
  • 2002: "Sitting Crosslegged In Yet Another Cave" (featuring Busta Rhymes)
  • 2002: "Meeting Turbaned Individuals In Layby On Desert Road"
  • 2003: "Sitting In Small Room Furnished With IKEA Products"
  • 2004: "Sitting At Desk With Hands Clasped (My Election Message)"
  • 2007: "Not Dead But Dyed (New Look Osama!)"

He has also appeared as a character actor or stage prop in numerous motion pictures:

  • 1921: "The Sheik"
  • 1939: "The Wizard of Osama" - as the Wicked Witch of Iraq
  • 1942: "Bambi" - as the hunter that shoots Bambi's mother
  • 1950: "Abbott and Costello in the Foreign Legion" - as a bad Arab guy
  • 1953: "The Sound of Music" - as "baby in womans arms" (cut out due to misbehavior)
  • 1955: "OSAMAH" - as "dancer 7"
  • 1958: "Dr. Strangeplane or How I Learned to Stop Bombing and Love the Infidels"- Dr. Strangeplane (bin Laden's most famous movie line, "Mein Allah, I can bomb!" comes from this movie)
  • 1959: "Bin Hur"
  • 1960: "Bin His"
  • 1960: "Osama's 11"
  • 1968: "Night of the Living Jihad"
  • 1971: "Osama bin Wonka and the Bomb Factory
  • 1974: "Young Afghanistein" - as Dr. Ofghanisteen
  • 1975: "The Wind and Bin Laden" -Himself, the bad Arab guy
  • 1976: "Donkey Show;The Movie"
  • 1979: "Naked Gun: from the Files of Police Squad" - as Ayatollah Khomeini
  • 1979: "Life Of Brian" - as the crucifix
  • 1980: "The Hunt For Red Osama"
  • 1981: "Osama Yo' Mama!" - as Shang Tsung
  • 1981: "The Infidel Dead"
  • 1984: "The New Wave of Terror"
  • 1984: "SovietBusters"
  • 1987: "This Bomb's as loud as an 80s drum"
  • 1988: "Count your dinars and dimes"
  • 1990: "IT" - as Pennywise the Suicide Clown
  • 1991: "Night of the Dawn of the Day of the Dusk of the Ghost of the Son of the Bride of the Contaminated, Radioactive, Viral, Biohazardous, Plague-Ridden, Mutant, Hideous, Evil, Sadistic, Hellbound, Flesh-Eating, Cannibalistic, Murderous, Hungry, Ravenous, Psychopathic Living, Breathing, Walking Dead in Shocking 3-D" -zombie
  • 1993: "Jihadi Park"
  • 1993: "So I Married A Terrorist"
  • 1995: "Dune Coons Gone Wild"
  • 1995: "Pickle Party 3: Too Much Penis"
  • 1995: "Jihadi" - Co-Starring with Robin Wiliams - as "crazy guy with beard"
  • 2000: "Arabian Psycho"
  • 2000: "A Simple Twist of Wires
  • 2001: "Anti-American Pie" AKA "Infidel Pie" or "Death to America Pie"
  • 2001: CNN Sept. 11 edition
  • 2003: "Fahrenheit 9/11" - Producer
  • 2005: "War With The Worlds"
  • 2006: "Harry Potter and the Half Hearted Mujaheed"
  • 2006: "Brokeback Infidel"
  • 2006: "J for Jihad"
  • 2006: starred in Momma Mia as leading role.
  • 2006: "Not Another Gay Porn"
  • 2006: "World Trade Center" as the Black Hooker
  • 2006: "Infidels on a Plane"
  • 2007: "Boring: Make Cultural Benefit For Afganistan" as Boring Sukyamumstits
  • 2007: "Men In Black 3" as Agent Bin Liner
  • 2007: "Mr Bin's Jihaliday"
  • 2007: "Saving Private Laden" (Really touching story about the brothers Laden and Bush)
  • 2007: "Pirates of the Talib-i-an: At the Fatwa's End"
  • 2007: "Space Porn" as Terrorist
  • 2007: "Mr.Bin" as Mr.Bin
  • 2007: "Live Aid: The Movie" as The Edge from U2
  • 2007: "Penis Fucking 9" as The Big PERV
  • 2007: "Ghostbusters 3: The Invasion of The Dead Muslims" As Binghouler
  • 2007: "Holding a ranga (jack hughes) hostage

[編集] Television Appearances

  • 28  : He was featured on the Jesus Show!! Staring Jesus!
  • 1983: MTV Michael Jackson's "Thriller" video-as Michael Jackson
  • 2005: Who Wants To Be A Dinar-naire?
  • 2007: Are you smarter than a 5th grader?
  • 2007: Dancing With The Stars (new season)
  • 2015: Water Boarding,testicle zapping, beatings and being made to eat his own severed legs while being dipped in hot lemon juice at Guantanamo Bay resort

[編集] Discography

  • 1992: Rammsteins preformance of "Buck Ditch" (bend döwn)whare poor unsuspecting Osama was subjected to the full rath of Rammstein and Rammstein fans!
  • 1993: "Killing In The Name (Of Allah)" A remix of the popular song by Rage Against The Machine.
  • 2003: "Get Blown Away (the Lee Kerr/Weed song)" Osama Bin Laden featuring The Notorious B.I.N, Bin Jones, 2Crap, Bin L (Big L's long lost brother), Lloyd Wanks, Young Bin, Osamakast, Slim Bin Thug, Binnie Sigel, David Binner. Vocals by Osamerie (the one who sang 'Is This One Singh That Got Me Trippin'
  • 2004: "Un-American Idiot" (performed along with Bert and Green Day)
  • 2007: "Fuck Chamillionaire" Osama Bin Laden featuring Chamilladen
  • 2007: "Ladies Love Cool Osama" by LL Cool Osama. Back up vocals by Osama Bin Presley
  • 2007: "Hip Hop Is Dead (Osama Killed It)" Nas featuring Osama Bin Liner and The Dustbin Set
  • 2007: "I Screwed My Mum And Sister" featuring Saddam Hussein and Fred Durst
  • 2007: "Drunken Jewish Man's Polka"
  • 2007: "Taliban Paradise" Performed by Osama featuring alternative rock band "Bush and the White Houses"
  • 2008 (To be Released): "My First Slumber Party!" By Osama featuring Ahmadinejad

[編集] Books Written by Osama bin Laden

  • Ten Ways to Murder a Man
  • The 9/11 Report
  • How America Has Caused All of the World's Problems and How I Plan to Solve Them
  • Drop 10 kilos in 10 weeks! The Amazing Osama Diet
  • My Pet Goat
  • 40 Days and 40 Nights of Saddam's Mother
  • 5 Easy Steps to Becoming A Sand Monkey
  • The Harem of Camels
  • My Life


[編集] News Flash

Osama Bin Laden's myspace was deleted after only three days due to an alarming spike in terrorist attacks on aubergines. US Homeland Security chief Michael Chertoff refuses to confirm rumors that the color-coded terror alert will be raised to purple; speaking from an undisclosed location, Dick Cheney warned that the smoking gun could come in the form of a shiitake.

[編集] See also

Osama's homework given to him by his teacher Allah: which building to destroy next?
Osama's homework given to him by his teacher Allah: which building to destroy next?

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[編集] External Links

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